A Kinder And Gentler Venom And Bile

So today, despite its crappy start, didn't end up so horribly after all. I am waiting on the wifey for popcorn and Criminal Minds. NO BETTER WAY TO END THE NIGHT. HA! Also, the biggest change, my first birth control pill ever. Am keeping fingers crossed that this will curb a lot of my PCOS symptoms, because damn...I can't handle them anymore. =P

So, the ovaries that I have? The ones that the ultrasound tech said were "perfectly normal," assuring me that my problems "weren't ovarian at all"? The ovaries that could in no way explain for my symptoms, according to my doc and one of her colleagues? Oh, you mean the right ovary that is almost twice the size of the other one (we're talking, the left one is around 5.1 cm. The right? Over 9 cm.) Yanno the one, it has all the cysts in it. THAT ovary. Riiiight.

They still have no clue what's wrong with me, but either way, it ends in surgery. I will find out at the end of this week about a procedure that I have to have done (filled with cathaters and sedation and checking blood for excess DHEA, and a day trip to the hospital! FUN!) and then the results of THAT will tell me if they remove my left adrenal gland, or half/all of my right ovary. There's more bitching, but after talking about it to my mom, the surgeon, the surgeon's assistant, his OTHER assistant, the girl at the radiology place, my mom again, and then my ohana, aoibhe and secretchristine (also known as Thing One and Thing Two) over the phone, I actually think I'm all bitched out.

So regardless of which internal organ gets ganked from my guts, I have PCOS, and will continue to have that for the rest of my life. It's not a horrible thing to have in the long run, I suppose, it's better than something like diabetes and insulin shots, but it's not even a little bit fun. At least I am Not Crazy in thinking that something has been wrong for YEARS with me, and the fact that I have pain all the time in my ovaries (like right now *sigh*) isn't just me projecting some strange brand of hypochondria on 'em.

In all honesty, knowing that there's an answer that I can see on the horizon makes me feel better. Although not by much. Still. I think I deserve to have a helluva birthday this year though, with all the crap I've been put through. (Okay, so that is also probably not gonna happen, but a girl can dream.) Depressed. BLAH!! BLAAAAAAH, I say. Am trying to keep laughing -- otherwise I will cry and that WILL NOT DO. I need ice cream. And movies. Barring that, a stiff drink and a half nekked Jensen Ackles serving it to me, pls & thx. =P

Today's Horoscope for Capricorn: You may feel on-edge today because you are being drawn into something new and you would prefer to hold on to the status quo. But living in the past isn't helpful when the future is approaching so fast. Accepting the fact that your life will change in very profound ways can be the first step to reclaiming your security and confidence.

...yeah, no kidding. =p

ps: The girl got my Greggia Pullip today. SO RELIEVED! And she left me a really nice message on my Dolly Market Feedback thread, so that made me smile. One less thing to worry over, yay!