awkwardgirl: ([GO] Thwarting wiles)
( Feb. 25th, 2009 05:11 pm)
Still headachey. Still upset stomach. Still feeling crappy about...just about everything. =P Thanks to a crappy day at work and an interesting little chat with my manager. And while I can understand where she's coming from, the fact that it came out and I had no clue something was even wrong? That instantly made my head throb and my stomach churn. Guh. There were two things that made this day worth getting out of bed at all, and that was supersilly ficlet from da wifey this morning, and the Package For Mature Audiences Only from [livejournal.com profile] secretchristine and [livejournal.com profile] aoibhe. Frsrs, it made me laugh till I cried. Nice to know the ohana is looking out for my well-being. *gigglefit* I LOVE YOU GIRLS SO MUCH. ♥

But anyway, stolen from both [livejournal.com profile] aoibhe and [livejournal.com profile] xtinethepirate ♥♥♥

One little compliment can make you feel great. So give me a compliment, anything in the entire world, even that my shoelaces are pretty. Put this in your journal. Once you get some comments, put that entry in a memory or tag and when you are feeling down, just go to that entry and this will remind you how great you are.

Comments are screened as per meme "rules". Don't forget to post this in your lj when you're done so I can comment to you!! ♥
Getting sick. Had a crap day. Again. Found out that my little hospital stint is going to cost me over $1700, and the 6 month payment plan, added to the rest of my monthly bills (rent, phone, storage unit, credit card) shoots up to more than I actually MAKE in a month. I am feeling screwed, and dejected, and oh so low. You guys, I have been this way since September, when all this crap started, and it has gone downhill ever since. I don't even know what to do about this anymore, other than throw myself off the roof, and really, I'd just break a leg or something and add MORE hospital bills. So instead, I am huddled in bed, feeling extreme amounts of self pity (please, bare with me), and indulging in cups and cups of tea and Criminal Minds dvds. ><;; (At least I giggled over the Somebody's Watching ep. Oh, the muse is being talkative now. ><;; So funny though.)

F-list, beloved f-list, tell me one good thing that happened to you today. If I can't have a decent time, I want to know that you guys, my friends, at least had something to be glad about. Because I am always glad about you. ♥

[edit 7:45pm] Tarot Card Of The Day:
7 of Swords - Lack of Purpose
A confusion of options causes goals to become confused. To go in circles or waste time. A need for assistance and guidance goes unanswered.
Eff you, Tarot.com =P
So today, despite its crappy start, didn't end up so horribly after all. I am waiting on the wifey for popcorn and Criminal Minds. NO BETTER WAY TO END THE NIGHT. HA! Also, the biggest change, my first birth control pill ever. Am keeping fingers crossed that this will curb a lot of my PCOS symptoms, because damn...I can't handle them anymore. =P
I worked 10 hours today, with no lunch break, and my brain? SORTA FRIED, THANKS. *flops* I know that there are those of you out there who do that regularly, AND YOU HAVE MY CONDOLENCES. NO THANKS. Nuh. *grin*

So. Tired. Hungry. Anxious about doing the same thing again tomorrow (14 inches of snow, kids, is not fun unless you are, actually, a kid. *flops*) Was told that we aren't going to open for a half day on Christmas eve, and while the money would be nice? SLEEPING IN IS SO MUCH BETTER. SO YAY.

Got the call from my surgeon's office today about the results from my test at the hospital a week and a half ago: not my adrenals, it is That Damn Ovary. Have had to reschedule this appointment twice already due to ALL THIS FUCKING SNOW, so am hoping that Monday I can actually go in and get this thing rolling. Surgery? I dunno, will have to see.

Last day of being 25. My last year of being in my mid-20's. Oh, I wibble.
awkwardgirl: (Default)
( Dec. 10th, 2008 05:02 pm)
*le sigh* Today was...sorta crap. Running around, didn't get all the stuff out until 2:45pm, and then didn't get a lunch break on TOP of that, so was pissed and starving and shaking and just...blah. Hospital tomorrow. Double blah. New Winter Knitty, but the site is so wonky that I can't get any of the pages to load. Triple blah.
Despite the squealing joy yesterday from the Dal House Forum swap gifts arriving (omg, Linden looks SO FREAKING CUTE in her new stuff!) and getting a card from my darlingest Awful Twin, [livejournal.com profile] isolabela, today is dark, gloomy, grey, and PISSING DOWN RAIN. Srsly, weather, wtf?! For all the flack that Seattle gets for being so rainy, most of the time it's this piddling, drizzly, misty stuff. But today? It is coming down hardcore. It makes me wanna curl up with hot cocoa and a good book and knit stuff. *sigh* So the blah continues.

Birthday and medical whining - read at own risk =P )

Despite current appearances, and desperate wishing to be cool and cynical, I am an optimist. I really, actually, for truly am. =P It'll come back eventually, until then, I am happy for the fact that I totally have fabulous people in my life, even when they're far away. ♥♥♥
awkwardgirl: (SHUTTHEFUCKUP)
( Dec. 2nd, 2008 07:04 pm)
So, the ovaries that I have? The ones that the ultrasound tech said were "perfectly normal," assuring me that my problems "weren't ovarian at all"? The ovaries that could in no way explain for my symptoms, according to my doc and one of her colleagues? Oh, you mean the right ovary that is almost twice the size of the other one (we're talking, the left one is around 5.1 cm. The right? Over 9 cm.) Yanno the one, it has all the cysts in it. THAT ovary. Riiiight.

They still have no clue what's wrong with me, but either way, it ends in surgery. I will find out at the end of this week about a procedure that I have to have done (filled with cathaters and sedation and checking blood for excess DHEA, and a day trip to the hospital! FUN!) and then the results of THAT will tell me if they remove my left adrenal gland, or half/all of my right ovary. There's more bitching, but after talking about it to my mom, the surgeon, the surgeon's assistant, his OTHER assistant, the girl at the radiology place, my mom again, and then my ohana, [livejournal.com profile] aoibhe and [livejournal.com profile] secretchristine (also known as Thing One and Thing Two) over the phone, I actually think I'm all bitched out.

So regardless of which internal organ gets ganked from my guts, I have PCOS, and will continue to have that for the rest of my life. It's not a horrible thing to have in the long run, I suppose, it's better than something like diabetes and insulin shots, but it's not even a little bit fun. At least I am Not Crazy in thinking that something has been wrong for YEARS with me, and the fact that I have pain all the time in my ovaries (like right now *sigh*) isn't just me projecting some strange brand of hypochondria on 'em.

In all honesty, knowing that there's an answer that I can see on the horizon makes me feel better. Although not by much. Still. I think I deserve to have a helluva birthday this year though, with all the crap I've been put through. (Okay, so that is also probably not gonna happen, but a girl can dream.) Depressed. BLAH!! BLAAAAAAH, I say. Am trying to keep laughing -- otherwise I will cry and that WILL NOT DO. I need ice cream. And movies. Barring that, a stiff drink and a half nekked Jensen Ackles serving it to me, pls & thx. =P

Today's Horoscope for Capricorn: You may feel on-edge today because you are being drawn into something new and you would prefer to hold on to the status quo. But living in the past isn't helpful when the future is approaching so fast. Accepting the fact that your life will change in very profound ways can be the first step to reclaiming your security and confidence.

...yeah, no kidding. =p

ps: The girl got my Greggia Pullip today. SO RELIEVED! And she left me a really nice message on my Dolly Market Feedback thread, so that made me smile. One less thing to worry over, yay!
awkwardgirl: (omfg!!11iobne)
( Dec. 1st, 2008 05:32 pm)
So the package with the Greggia Pullip I sent got lost somehow in the depths of the Post Office, and I'm just only kinda freaking out about that. Seems like the girl has had troubles with the PO recently, and I've forwarded her all the emails USPS sent me (somehow the address is correct in the first email, and then a number off on the delivery confirm? WTF post office?!) I'm just keeping my fingers crossed, but damn if this isn't stressing me out more than I need right now. ><;; They should be getting back to her tomorrow, and she'll then get back to me, and honestly, I just don't want anyone to be out money OR a doll. Because if push comes to shove, she could get her cash back. If the doll is lost, I'm out a doll AND money. *flops*

Also, my doc is being super weird about all these random tests I've had to do. Yes, I understand that it's not PCOS -- although, now she says that another doc thinks it might be a "touch of PCOS" but that it would never cause such high levels of DHEA in my system, and that it's the "adrenal gland tumor." So I guess it's a tumor now and not a "nodule"? *flops* This whole situation is just annoying the bloody hell out of me. I have an appointment with the surgeon tomorrow, I called a little while ago to make sure they got my pelvic ultrasound results, and now I'm just waiting until I hear what he has to say. And people wonder why I get so stressed out and depressed? BECAUSE SHIT LIKE THIS HAPPENS ON A REGULAR BASIS. Holy freakin' hellfire.

I need booze. But since there's none in the house, I will make do with ice cream and Pushing Daisies dvds. -_-
Hn. So it's not my ovaries giving me fits. It all goes back to that stupid adrenal gland. Which means...SURGERY. Most likely. Bah. Because I need more surgery. And more missed days of work. And more medical bills to pay. -_- Tuesday is the follow up with my surgeon, so will know more then.

Early day from work today, managed to fit in 6 hours though. Slept in an extra hour and I'm more exhausted than I was before. =P Have Totoro and Scrubs to watch.

...although I just realized that I forgot to grab my S1 SPN dvds from my co-worker. -_- Fuuuuuck. I was gonna have a Supernaturalthon! ><;; guh! I'm going to bed instead. =P

FOUR DAY WEEKEND ^________________^
I'm having one of those weekends (weeks? months? pah) where I'm crawling the walls, whinging about having nothing to do, nothing to read, nowhere to be, and I'm surrounded by books, yarn, fabric, paint, beads, dvds, dolls, bah. And nothing seems to fit. So instead, I'm going to knit a swatch for nothing in particular, simply because I like the pattern, and chill out.

Tea, anyone?
.

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